ambivalence & Ennio Morricone

I find myself in this extremely ambivalent situation - where Im working on a topic, something I really enjoy and then day by day find myself criticizing it all.

Example: I do LOVE dogs, I really like them. But I see a problem with having pets. I do not accept objectification of any species. So therefor having a dog is now not an option anymore. And now I feel I need to use my standpoint somehow in my art.

But what about all those nice pets, all those puppies born out there?
And not to mention of all cats, hamster, guinea pigs, parrots etc?

Well, I do not even want to go into the topic of pigs and cows.

Slaughterhouses. I do not eat meat. I must probably soon stop eating dairy products to.

Another issue is the supernatural. I have done artworks about telepathy for some years now. Today I read something interesting about this.
And I found it disturbing somehow for my work. But I realize I need to somehow process this.
Question: Why are especially women so highly involved and fascinated by i.e horoscopes ? The text I read claimed it is because of historical reasons - women in general did not have the right to rule over their own lives so they wanted to believe in destiny -that what ever happened it was meant not be like that. So they were powerless. And this is not the ace anymore, at least not for me and my fellow sisters in general (of course there are exceptions…)

My work I believe is more about the option this all could give us…perhaps also an idea about a larger mind - I do somehow believe there are large parts of our minds that are not used. There is so much that goes on and happens - that we say is unexplainable.

hm

btw, this music by Ennio Morricone - jesus it's beautiful. I think I'm fainting.

the tradition of the nude

Usually she'd never do nude things.
But that friday she decided to give the nude a chance.

All her life she'd been surrounded by a tremendous tradition of the nude...

A classic nude pose would surely be seen as something quite valuable.

It would not be funny.

And the clock was ticking.

It was the right time.

As in now or never.

As in live or let go.

No, that was not correct.

Never mind.

Posing nude all over a white space might be just what she had been searching for.
The right touch.
Even classy.

Well, she would call it an experiment.
Or untitled nude 1-3

And of course secretly admire her still kind of smooth skin.

the urge to be a real artist

yes, C. was right.

Why would we force our selves to become real artists when we were given the chance to work in a large white empty space.

Suddenly we'd feel obliged to use colors (well at least black acrylic) and create paintings and drawings.

Even build things, like sculpting.

Why could we not just accept that writing, research and making story boards at a clean table was arty enough (not to forget video editing, shooting video, making photographs)?

Perhaps it was the space, the tradition of the artists studio? The bohemian...

That it had to be packed with stuff. Overloaded by things that proved work was taking place here.

All the things we saved on our hard drives were obviously not visible enough.

Quite so.

And me to, spreading papers all over. Feeling the need to stick things on to the wall so that it would at least look a bit more arty. I also bought a clue gun just in case.

Wondering now wether I will use it…

yes, fucking hell, I will glue something. I will even use a saw. Nail stuff all over. Spray paint it all and then yes, glue some more.

(coming up: some sort of piece of destruction. Promise you. And it will be video.)

personal bubble

The universe, she said, is such a strange place. So difficult to be in sometimes.
And all those things that are difficult to understand.

Like all these conspiracy things. things hidden.undercover stuff. ugly things.
And space. With the string theory and all. Did they even go to space at all?
Nothing could be trusted.
They were secretly poisoning us. Planting viruses in our bodies - making us feel it was our fault.

She sighed and had another cup of coffee and a Pall Mall. Cause what the hell - she'd eventually die so what was there to worry about.

She thought about that secret place - which if it was in an american bestseller would have been a fancy mansion with a pool, bunny girls and cocktails - but as it was hers, it did not have this resemblance at all.
Anyway her secret place, her bubble - was a place she'd go to every now and then.


Not on normal days when she'd be doing normal stuff - laundry, poo, pee, eat, drink, sleep, work and if lucky kissing.

Every now and then drifting of…Closing her eyes. Stroking her arm. Holding her arm. Leaving on a jetplane.

One might ask why? and reply simply, Why not.
Why not have your own secret place, your own personal bubble.

Surviving was hard as it was in that place of brutality, string theories and dark forecasts.

Dear Nina,

Again something inspiring and entertaining coming in the mail, except from the fun Viagra & loose weight while you sleep mails in the junkmail. Yes, I read these occasionally. I sort of feel sorry for them, nobody else reads them. They dont even bother me anymore in the normal mail as they end up straight in the junk. Poor mails...

Yes, tell me about it. I'm so out of my element. But it's ok.

Oh my God, what am I do doing, killing time like this, with this crap? What's wrong with me?

Yes, I just wanna vanish, somewhere calm and nice. Where there is no scheisse around... or do I ?

Isn't it quite calm and nice now. Perhaps it's to calm and nice?

Ok, I've had it. I'm going to the park and run with my imaginary dog.

wau wau (german dogs say wau...)

Dear Nina,

If it's felt the last few weeks as if there's been an argument brewing - or perhaps you've already even dealt with some full-fledged fights - it's time to breathe a sigh of relief: Mars is moving out of Aquarius and into Pisces on February 23, a transit that will usher in a sense of calm!

You'd think Mars and Pisces would oppose each other, given how polar their forces are from one another. After all, Mars is fiery and aggressive, while Pisces is watery and non-confrontational. Yet, these two are able to work quite well together. Pisces acts to mellow Mars' combative influence, while Mars simply prompts Pisces to act.

Your duty now is to recognize that your tactics for success will have to change. Rather than charging in like a bull before cowering away at the first sign of conflict, try a subtler, more roundabout approach. Talk - and listen - to people. The more you can help and work with others, the easier it will be for you to convince people to see things from your perspective as well.

You may notice old, forgotten memories coming back to haunt you when they should remain buried; you'd do well to put these into perspective and let them go. Don't burden others with your troubles, and try to keep your friends from weighing you down too heavily with their own issues. Instead, focus on the artistic energies bubbling up inside you. Pursue creative activities: a dance class, ice skating or even just moving to the rhythms of your favorite songs in the privacy of your own home. Anything that inspires you and gets you moving will be a great outlet right now!

As Mars and all the other planets travel across the sky, they impact us not only as a whole, but also individually. Will Mars in Pisces rock your world? Or will it cause only the tiniest flutter?

winter. tired. colds. people sick.

hanging on with a smile in the new hippie residency.

life is good whatever.

and to have a worried mum is worth more gold and diamonds that exist in the world.