and then this Kafka story...

An Imperial Message
by Franz Kafka
Translation by Ian Johnston


The Emperor—so they say—has sent a message, directly from his death bed, to you alone, his pathetic subject, a tiny shadow which has taken refuge at the furthest distance from the imperial sun. He ordered the herald to kneel down beside his bed and whispered the message in his ear. He thought it was so important that he had the herald speak it back to him. He confirmed the accuracy of verbal message by nodding his head. And in front of the entire crowd of those witnessing his death—all the obstructing walls have been broken down, and all the great ones of his empire are standing in a circle on the broad and high soaring flights of stairs—in front of all of them he dispatched his herald. The messenger started off at once, a powerful, tireless man. Sticking one arm out and then another, he makes his way through the crowd. If he runs into resistance, he points to his breast where there is a sign of the sun. So he moves forwards easily, unlike anyone else. But the crowd is so huge; its dwelling places are infinite. If there were an open field, how he would fly along, and soon you would hear the marvellous pounding of his fist on your door. But instead of that, how futile are all his efforts. He is still forcing his way through the private rooms of the innermost palace. Never will he win his way through. And if he did manage that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to fight his way down the steps, and, if he managed to do that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to stride through the courtyards, and after the courtyards through the second palace encircling the first, and, then again, through stairs and courtyards, and then, once again, a palace, and so on for thousands of years. And if he finally burst through the outermost door—but that can never, never happen—the royal capital city, the centre of the world, is still there in front of him, piled high and full of sediment. No one pushes his way through here, certainly not someone with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window and dream of that message when evening comes.

http://www.kafka-online.info/an-imperial-message.html

just as I was feeling better I receive this email...

Dear Nina,

What is your purpose for this lifetime? Are you on the right path? Are you making the right decisions? Did you know that the placement of the Moon in your birth chart indicates karmic tendencies that you carry over from your past lives, and that the Sun in your chart reveals your life purpose and the lessons you need to learn? Let your complete Destiny Reading show you how to keep in harmony with your life's purpose. Order through this email and you'll save 20%! Try a free sample reading before you purchase, for a preview of this powerful reading.

pointless. what should I do. blablahblah. eating in bed.

reading about artcollectors made me depressed. left me empty.
i got to think about my own work - realizing its pointless. I've said it before. many times. it's old news. but I also felt that most of the images of art in this little berlin art magazine also was fucking pointless.

I looked up at my Berlin ceiling and sighed. There must be something else I could do. Something more valuable. I got up and smoked a cigarette while I toasted some bread. Comfort eating. WHat the hell if I end up fat. Nobody cares about me anyway. I sat down and smoked and hoped I would remember my thoughts about this art magazine situation. I lay down in bed with my old laptop and started typing.

What else could I do? I typed. Arial. 12p.

What else? Or if I would start by looking critically at my own work. What was it all about? Really. Was there anything of importance in them. Because I like that sentence or question. What is important. or. What is important?

I recalled something I said out loud back in the kitchen by the table while smoking.
I did not start making art because I thought I would sell stuff. I was never interested in selling or buying things. If that would have been the case I would have studied finance. I would have started my own business. A company.

Yes, someone in this magazine said: When bankers meet they talk about art. And when artists meet they talk about money.

If you dont have it you talk about it. As with dreams. If you dont have it you dream about it. And talk about it. What you would do if you had it.

if Im hungry I think about what I'd like to eat. If I dont have money I think about what I would buy if I had some. If I dont have a man in my life I make up fantazies about them. I dont have a dog - so I envy people who have one.

thoughts sorted. Feeling better. more important.

Surprise - I'm angry!

yep. sure.

it's one of those days when things just fuck up. at least seem to fuck up. But after a while when its getting darker, after a glass of wine it all seems better. Why wince over higher rents, expensive dentist bills, disappointing love affairs when a family of bears will be killed just because they are talking a walk somewhere in the woods, but a bit to close to another species.
That fucking species that invented nuclear power,weapons - that spreads disease, pollution, hatred and evil. That is by 80% full of evil and himself.

that's all for today

(and by the way a friend of mine once said, something really smart - a disappointing affair is like a classic cold, it hits you bad, you suffer but you'll always get over it in a couple of days. With swollen runny eyes, yes.)

(and for the record: my teeth are fucking perfect!)

SURVIVAL KIT

SURVIVAL KIT FILM PROGRAMM
September 4, Dirty Deal Cafe
19:30 – 24:00 Films by Isabell Spengler in RIGA WHITE NIGHT program
Screenings: 19:30 A, 20:15 B, 21:00 A, 21:45 B, 22:30 A, 23:15 B/ Entrance free
September 5, Cinema Riga
19:30 Isabell Spengler’s Talk "Surviving Hollywood" & selected films
September 6
16:30 Tanja Ostojić’s Talk “Crossing Borders: Development of Diverse Artistic Strategies”
In EU House
19:30 Cinema Riga
Open Studio of New Belgrade Chronicle: Gazela Settlement
Tanja Ostojić, 2006, 6’
Naine - a woman
Eléonore de Montesquiou, D/ EST 2009, 15’10
Our Pride and Glory
Meggie Schneider, D 2009, 13’
Critical Review on Icelandic Power Structures
Nina Lassila, 2009, 15’
September 7, Cinema Riga Picture from “Our Pride and Glory”, M. Schneider
19:30 Rien ne vaut que la vie, mais la vie même ne vaut rien
Brigitta Kuster & Moise Merlin Mabouna, D 2003, 24’
Sans Papiers
Tanja Ostojić / David Rych, 2004, 14’
Shedding Details
Laura Horelli / Gerhard Friedl, 2009, 25’
September 8, Cinema Riga
19:30 Passing Drama
Angela Melitopoulos, D 1999, 66’
September 9, Cinema Riga
19:30 I Will Arrange Everything. It Will Be The Best Film Ever.
Gitte Villesen, D 2010, 45’
September 10, Cinema Riga
19:30 New York Memories
Rosa von Praunheim, D 2010, 89’
September 11, Cinema Riga
19:30 I Will Arrange Everything. It Will Be The Best Film Ever. (Repeated)
Gitte Villesen, D 2010, 45’
Installation s in EU House (September 6-10, from 10:00 – 18:00)
Kreenholm (part 1-3)
Eléonore de Montesquiou, D/EE 2009
Metal
Eléonore de Montesquiou, D/EE 2009, 6’30

true love will find you in the end...Daniel Johnston...

what a beautiful song, and I enjoy it without weed (for the fucking record, I'm not on weed I'm watching Weeds on tv).

...wonder why I bother getting into debates with silly people.
about different topics. Probably because the topics are important.
But why are there so many stupid jealous evil bastards on these forums?

What's bugging them?

How can we change them?

Jag menar. Jösses flickor! Vad är det för fel på vissa?

Var kommer all dendär negativa energin ifrån. varför vill man inte se lösningar. varför bara tjata och skuld belägga. Varför alltid insistera på att finna en syndabock? Varför inte rotera och lufta till lite?

Nu ska jag inte påstå att jag är fröken idel sunshine.

nej, jag är cynsisk djävel till kärring ibland.

Men, inte när det gäller viktiga ting.

What does the heart say? Why not follow?

and about licking...

Now when your dog tries to lick your face, you should have a better idea of what he's trying to communicate. He may simply be hungry and asking for a snack. Obviously, you won't regurgitate some food at that signal, but you might respond affectionately and perhaps give him a treat, such as a dog biscuit. He may be communicating submission and pacification-the adult version of goodwill in puppies. Basically, he is saying, "Look, I'm just like a puppy who is dependent on big adults like you. I need your acceptance and help." Alternatively, he may be showing respect and deference to you as a more dominant dog in his pack..."

Excerpted from How to Speak Dog
© Stanley Coren All rights reserved
Reprinted by permission
Dr. Stanley Coren is a professor of Psychology.
He has written 6 books on dogs and is the host
of the television show Good Dog!