The brave Artist

Why do I always feel that all I'm doing is not enough?
That I should be doing giant artworks.
Something so cool that everybody would be shit amazed.
And yet…no still I know that that is never the right starting point for a new work.
You just can not think like that. And still I do. And I feel ashamed.

Why do I often feel that art can’t just be simple art anymore?
Why isn't it enough to just create stuff at home and then show it somewhere within a fitting context?
Why do I feel that I need to go to the gallery space and fit in something giant. Like another building or an elephant.
Why can't I just happily hang my photos or drawings on the wall?
Why do I feel that that is not enough?
Why does it have to be so God damned crazy?

And then when I have finally managed to do something in the space like pissing on the floor (because I'm an older artist but still cool) the audience comes and pretends they understand everything.  How can they do that when I barely grasp a half of what has been going on in my thinking process?

Where did the naivety disappear? Why was that bad? Who told me to stop being honest and poetic?
Like there was something truly wrong with that.

Yes. Yes I understood it. It was dumb. And who wants to be dumb?
Not the artist.

Unfortunately. It takes guts to be different.