sure

there are things I dont like doing.
And things I like doing.
I'm depressed. I do not know. But look at this shit.
I mean. Seriously.
What is it? Are you feeling bad about yourself? Not happy?

Its not really that.

I never wished to stand on a huge stage in front of an audience. It scares me.
All those looks. The expectation.

I'm not in for earning loads of money and prizes.

I do not know. perhaps I'm depressed.

See, I like doing nothing. I like talking. Having real conversations. I like laying down somewhere nice thinking to myself. I like seeing friends and talking with them. I like talking to strangers too.

And I really hate going shopping if there is not anything else to do. People do that. I try to avoid it as much as I can. Of course I fall into that bate too. Most things are just so meaningless. And actually bad. And they sicken me.
I hate having jobs earning money. Especially dumb jobs that just promote a consumerist society. I do not like the musts. I want to choose my own time to do things, when I want to lay down, when i want to go for a walk. When I want to write. When I want to eat. When I want to water my plants.

I want a garden. I like seeing things grow.

I guess I'm in for the so called simpler things. If that's what you want to call it.
Yesterday I saw that a plant that I got from a friend had something new and red on it. Perhaps a flower! So I have made difference. To that plant. It made me happy. It still makes me happy.
And today, it is a cold day, I heard this cat mewing. So I ran downstairs and let it in.
That also made a difference. To the cat. Its not cold anymore. Somebody heard it.

We should listen more.

I'm not saying that I'm totally unambitious. But I dont want any bonuses. I dont fancy going to the moon either. I'm afraid of space. I'm happy here. Seeing things grow.

Its all about this dumbass stupid competing. Winners and loosers. I'm not into winning. Actually I could win a prize for being a good looser.

I just want to be. To chill. See things grow. See the spring. See the birds on the sky. Swans on the lake.

I guess you say I sound somewhat depressed. lacking of energy. But I think I'm perfectly energetic. I'm writing this. I'm capable of forming words and sentences.
I'm even going to have a sauna tonight. That's nice. It will be warm and there might be a good conversation about lets say sustainability.

One of my absolute favourite things to do is sleeping. My dreams are extremely entertaining.
I love eating nice things. I like smoking and drinking good wines. I like reading. And hearing beautiful music. Sometimes even energetic crazy music.

And seeing things grow of course.

What about your art work?

Well. it is also sort of growing. I guess. Right now I think I must accept the way things are. And grow. If I wont grow my art wont grow. There would be a standstill.

But see, this silly game of winning and loosing, this dumb game of consumerist monopoly spreads its long ugly arms all around me and drags me into the plastic dungeon. My growing stops because there is to much shit around me. I can not breathe because the air is dirty. I can not see because nothing is real.

Somebody or something prevents me growing.

Well, I know there is not such thing called THE SYSTEM but all these slimy things I need to do to EARN my freedom is just killing me. If not killing - at least saddening.

I have tried to see the positive sides - but now that I have tried and tried I know it is not good. It is the same bullshit I expected it to be.
I am not saying the people are dumb or so. They just enjoy winning to much and besides they do not seem to have the energy to relax and think things over.
They might also be lacking of courage.
Because it is scary of course. Because it is enormously depressing.

Yeah, if I get a grant form foundation BLABLA I will for sure know where the money came from in the first place. From some freaking plastic cellphone sales obviously.

Everything is about merchandise.

Sell. Buy. Sell. Buy. Sell. Buy. Sell. Buy
Pay. Earn. Pay. Earn. Pay. Earn. Pay.

debatt inlägg nu igen

Kyllä Ruotsalaiset ymmärtävät ja jotkut jopa rakastavat suomenruotsia! Hello!!!!Suomenruotsalaisethan ovat muumeja. Niin, tietysti suomalaisen ääntämä ruotsi ei ole sama asia, vaikka usein saavatkin "muumi" nimikkeen Ruotsissa.
Ruotsissa on monia eri murteita, esim Skånen murre, jota on aluksi aika vaikea ymmärtää. Mutta kunhan ihmisiä lähestyy niin kielivaikeudet katoavat. Kysymys on ehkä enemmänkin sosiaalisesta kanssakäymisestä. Tämä on ehkä (perusjuntti)suomalaisen suurin ongelma...
Itselläni on tuttuja ympäri pohjoismaita - yritämme kaikki puhua omaa kieltämme (suomi ja islanti ovat sen verran erilaisia että silloin vaihdetaan yleensä englantiin) ääntämäällä sitä "skandinaaviksi".
Anyway: haluan vaan sanoa että ei englantia ole pakko käyttää, ei ainakaan koko ajan. On hienoa jos ainakin yrittää oppia naapurien kieltä. Tässähän meillä suomenruotsalaisilla on etu! Ja tack för det! Ikävä että meidän veljet ja sisarukset eivät halua liittyä tähän joukkoon.
Sitä paitsi Finlandssvenska on aivan ihana murre! Islantilaiset puhuvat ruotsia melko samalla murteella!sitä et tainnut tietääkään!

dream again strange of course what else

I'm somewhere on a plaza walking, but its also a big house. there's quite many people of different age. There is something wrong with my feet: they are dirty and sore, I'm walking in a strange way, not really stepping on my heels. I need to wash my feet and find socks/sandals. But I can't find any help. I'm standing somewhere counting chopsticks. It's difficult because I want to arrange them in a certain order. they are quite different from eachother.
Then I'm in Cité des arts in a studio. there are about 4 artists there. And F. I'm asking people how long their residencies are. Then I tell them laughing that 6 months is the max how long a residency should be. That over that time is like moving. and that in 4 months a artist should be able to create a huge master piece. F looks a bit angry, and I try to smooth it down by saying that the size of an art piece doens't really indicate its master piece quality.

then I'm watching a shooting that happend behind cité des art on a monitor. there are lots of people trying to find cover, running. and bullets flying in the air. I'm not sure if I find this amusing ...?


then I'm suddenly talking to jepa and Joski about horseback riding. that I could swap my mamya 7 lens for riding on their horses. They are impresed by my lens. There is a horse muffling my hair. I like it.
I tell Jepa and Joski that I don't think it would take me a long time to remember how to ride a horse.

blessed

you are all stars on my personal sky.

I HAVE A SKY ABOVE ME. AROUND ME.

ITS FULL OF SHINING STARS. MY FRIENDS.

I AM A BLESSED GIRL.

krondill

en av trädtopparna där utanför liknar krondill.
måste klippa den, den har växt till sig för mycket.

I min dröm springer jag uppför en spiraltrappa till en fest. Jag är väldigt snygg.

Jag flyger förbi hus och över parker hållandes en lustig 5 fingrig ballong.
det går så fort.

Krondillen i Berlin svajar i grått januari ljus.


Han låg mittemot mig och jag har ingen aning om han tycker om mig mera, som han påstått sig göra tidigare.