jul. det är jul snart. vaddå snart? det är en och en halv månad dit.
o nu redan tänds alla helvetes ljus överallt.

jo, det är jju vackert. men det är också överdrivet.
det suger åt sig en massa energi. och det är absolut inte rätt i ett samhälle där man varje dag läser skrämslerapporter om klimatet.

jag är säkert inte den enda som blir förbannad på dumheten.
o så säger säkert nån sabla kommuntant eller gubbe att det är för barnens skull.

B S säger jag.

När jag var barn hade vi fina jular utan all energislöseri.

Jag har faktiskt en idé. en vacker fin idé.
Om en alternativ jul. det är synd att jag itne har barn själv.

Denna jul år 2007 skall Göteborg nästan mörkläggas.Inte riktgt helt för då skulle nog panik bryta ut.
Kanske kunde man ha lite ljus ute på stan, men inte hela hemska Liseberg. (som är värsta boven).

Folk ska tända levande ljus hemma, istället för att dekorera hela gården med amerikanskt krimskrams.

Och ingen skall äta plågad gris.

Man kan äta grönsaks gratänger och gott bröd och ost.

Inte köpa sig fattig. kanske skicka pengar åt folk som behöver det.
Jo, låt barnen få nåt, kanske mer tid med föräldrarna. göra något ihop.
spela spel. alltdetdär man gör i reklamen men på riktigt.

ha en god jul. på riktigt.

IF I WAS A FAMOUS ARTIST I'D BE...

Which Famous Artist Are You?
	You are part Andy Warhol. Your artistic talent became clear at an early age. As a result, you are still developing your talent now, chasing the dream. A big fan of commercial art, you see greatness in the ordinary.
	You are part Marcel Duchamp. You have a playful and mysterious nature that draws people's attention. Not a person of words, you tend to let your actions do the talking. Your greatness comes in your ability to stir curiosity through your art.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I'm thinking about a story. about stories. that I rarely work with stories though everythingbasically around us is about storytelling.

If I do create a story the starting point is usually myself. a woman. well, what else could I relate to? I know how it is to be a woman.

I have tried to write about men. But most of the characters end up being quite lame and somewhat, not boring, but weak. yes, weak.
and that is quite strange when I think about the male role models I have.

1. my father of course: not a weak man really. I've always respected him. naturally a child sees the parent as something strong. My father worked hard for the familys wellbeing. Perhaps at bit too hard. He was not around a lot.

2. Boyfriends: this is complicated. this is another story. See I'm not even married yet. What does that signifye? That I AM a hopeless case or that the men I've been seeing are hopeless? How can I tell? Some that have been potential ones didn't persist. They didn't want to live seriously with someone like me. So I had to let them go so that they could go and find someone who wanted things their way. There has been people who have seemed to be happy - but then I lost interest. Why? perhaps because they were, not lame, not exactly dull, but how could I say it nicely, they lacked ambition. I love ambitious people. And that is not to be poweful, strong and a goandgetit kind of a personality I'm looking for. I mean ambitious in life...it's difficult. perhaps I'm being unfair. There has been men I've liked a lot, but I couldn't see them in a picture beside me. They'd be constant nr2s...that's not equal. I guess history is full of men who never even gave this a thought, about equality in a relationship. it's important.

Hm. Uf. this is difficult. I'm not saying I think most men are weak. But I guess all my girlfriends just happen to be so tough and well equipped and smart that they kind of overrule all the men. They shine so much brighter. or is the ambition different between the sexes?

Tell me, why do I want to write a sad story about Bernie who had it all but was still lacking something (usually "a goal" in life, a REAL exiting existential goal, not a goal connected to power or money). Why does Bernie appear in my stories? And why does Bernie not even know what he is lacking?
Why does then Pirkko know exactly what she is lacking? Why does she decide after a long while to go off and leave everything? or why does she willingly become a monsterwoman that all the lads are afraid of?
yes, and why are the lads afraid of Pirkko? could it be that knowledge about oneself is scary? that it is much easier to live in the unconscious, in a "land of not even wanting to know"?

this text is unfair and really really generalizing. it is not a finished text. it's lacking ambition. it's not dull, but not exting either. it needs something. Gotta ask Pirkko and Bernie....

I ALWAYS WANTED TO WORK WITH PHOTOGRAPHY.
BUT I COULD NOT FIND A REASON FOR MY PICTURES TO BE ART ON THEIR OWN.
I KEPT ON TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO WORK WITH THIS MEDIA THAT I LOVED SO MUCH.
THEN I FOUND IT. AND IT WAS ALL ABOUT DEATH.
IT KIND OF FEELS AS AN ENDING POINT, FUNNY, AS I WISHED IT TO BE A STARTING POINT.

often when I hear myself talk about my own work it sounds great. It really sounds brilliant! Even intelligent. And I feel proud. Like "wow" look at what you've done here! You are a fucking genious...And I guess I'm sort of good at making other people believe I'm great too.
But when I get back to my studio and should work I feel everything is just shite. a big lie. and a failure.
it's difficult to get anywhere. it's difficult to go on working on something whilst feeling it's not good.
so the solution could be to be neutral to the work. work on it as it would be a lump of cabbage or a piece of wood to be thrown onto the fire.

I don't know really.

I used to like how people would talk lovingly about their work, almost refering to them as their babies or something. and I just feel a bit I don't know "funny" about my stuff. See I call it stuff...not work.
Well, to be perfectly honest I know how to be serious about it all, like in applications.
But I feel funny towards my work when facing them alone by myself. trying to see them from another perspective. Perhaps I'm in need of psychotherapy. Or then I should start with trying the lump of cabbage method. And if that doens't work I'd go to therapy.

Tigers do not find worth in power or money. They will be completely honest about how they feel and expect the same of you. On the other hand, they seek approval from peers and family. Generally, because of their charming personalities Tigers are well liked. Often, failing at a given task or being unproductive in his personal or professional life can cause a Tiger to experience a depression. Criticism from loved ones can also generate this type of Tiger reaction. Still, like all felines, Tigers always land on their feet, ready for their next act in life, pursuing it with unyielding energy and hunting it infallibly.

Tigers are also incorrigibly competitive - they simply cannot pass up a challenge, especially when honor is at stake, or they are protecting those they love. Tigers are unpredictable and it would be unwise to underestimate their reactions. They may appear cool, but they have the Big Cat's instincts to pounce at a moment's warning. Natural leaders, they have a strong sense of their own dignity, and if they find themselves in the ranks, they can be stubborn and obstinate. In positions of power they can be difficult though stimulating bosses. Tigers are intelligent, alert, and farsighted. They have their fingers on the pulse. Good strategists and tacticians, they often have a hidden agenda. As long as they do not risk their luck too often, and keep their restless nature under control, their tactics usually pay off in life.
Detailed Description
of The Wood Tiger
The Wood Tiger is more adaptable to working with others and therefore does not demonstrate the typical "take charge" attitude of other Tigers. The Wood element adds stability, giving him warmth of character that draws people in and makes the Tiger a popular person. They are not selfish creatures and will give their time, attention or possessions to anyone in need. These Tigers bring a solid practicality to any problem. They can control their urges to completely take over, letting others do the work. They must be aware of their slightly volatile tempers and short attention spans, and not let those characteristics get the best of them or cause them or their loved ones undue pain.