Mike Kelley is dead.

Suicide some say. Feels strange to hear that this artist was so fed up with the art world. Or that it sort of killed him. Or did it? Well, at least it disappointed him greatly.

But Fontana, who saw Kelley last week for dinner, said that Kelley's art-world accomplishments had a price, as he had been actively struggling with what it means to succeed in a world that has become more materialistic and foreign to him.
"He had a deep discomfort in seeing what the art world is now," Fontana said. "He didn't like the fact that everything has become so corporate. He said to me: 'If I were to start now, I would never become a visual artist.'

And here we are - going on…trying to convince ourselves that what we do is important. At least its fun.

And then i read that there was this one woman, Fontana, who quit her job as an art historian because of Kelleys work. Why was that not enough? What was his idea of success? What is our idea of success? Why are we human beings so obsessed with success and succeeding? I mean, isn't the fact that somebody is touched by what we do a success in itself?
Yes, it is sometimes difficult working and maintaining a somewhat serious and emphatic position in the art world when it at times seems mostly superficial and ugly. But then isn't it time to re-position? To create ones own world and stick to that? Or what is the best strategy?

"He really wanted to be an important artist, and he worked all of his life for that. He found himself at the top of his game and then found that the world he was at the top of was a world that he didn't like. That's intense existentially."

I do also feel the need of being part of something that is important. Of doing things that feel important to me. And hoping that others will find it important. But then I do already know that I don't like the so called art world so much. I like many of the artists that I meat. I probably like many curators and gallerists too. I just dont seem to meet so many of them…why is that? Is my work not important enough. Or then Im not sexy enough. Or something. I have no clue. But then I say - rather this way than no way.
the rest remains to be seen.