Why is Steven making me feel lousy?

so I just must write.

it does not matter if its good or bad. I need to write.

because this book is telling me to. writing is my work.

what else is my work?

coming up with ideas and filming them. making photographs and videos.

writing. doing research on different topics and things.

collecting data. collecting things that give me new ideas.

looking at things.

writing about things. and feelings.

as for today. I was feeling a bit down, weak and tired. hung over sort of without a reason.

at some point I told myself to pull myself together and work. at least do something.
that I can not come up with excuses.

its all from this book. talking about fucking resistance…Steven Pressfield…

first I was nodding. knowing he is right of course. then I realized that no shit, I don't need to read this book because I am all ready doing all these things. I am the pro.
But why the hell did Steven manage to make me feel guilty?

And a bit uneasy. A bit unsure about my methods of working.

Perhaps its more rotten than I think.

I mean I always every now and then make to do lists. I submit stuff to different places. I meet people. I talk to them. I hand out cards.
I write a bit now and then. I upload videos. I edit videos.

I watch films and documentaries to find inspiration. to come up with new image ideas. I write about my upcoming work. I write scripts.

But i have no daily "ordnung"…things just sort of happen.

things just sort of get done.

isn't that good enough?

or do I need to have that career talk with myself?

a critical review of my career. nina the boss meets nina the co-worker. the secretary. the housewife. the editor, the creative writer. the AD. nina the fucking queen of her empire….


if my empire seems to be working why am I reading Stevens book?

Why is Steven making me feel lousy?

Well, now at least Steven made me write. And Steven is going to make me do a work about his book.

I cant resist that.

hear: "the professional shuts up. She doesn't talk about it. She does her work."


oh Steven oh Steven.

sometimes we need to talk about it. To remember why we started doing these things. Why we chose this work. Then we can do the work again.
And develop within our work. Development does not only happen through technical improvements.